Hey everyone. Here's another update since its been a while since the last one. This one is gonna get a little personal as hinted by the title.
Now normally I try not to post or talk about my personal life/family life on Deviantart, especially when it comes to negative stuff. But since DA is practically a very close website to me, I feel more comfortable talking about this stuff here.
So last week on Thursday, I got a call from my dad that my grandma got sick. He didn't specific what it was so I got worried. Then on Sunday I got another call where I learn that my grandma's body wasn't accepting food anymore (I think it was part of her advanced Alzheimer's) and that she had little time to live. I came home right away and went to the nursing home where she was in. A lot my relatives, especially from my mom's side came to see her (even those from Puerto Rico came too). I stayed home despite having school (I emailed all my teachers the situation and all of them were super kind and understanding of it). After two days though, my grandma ended up passing away Tuesday night. Then we had the funeral on Thursday, where we all got to see her one last time before my mom and aunt bring her to Puerto Rico to bury her next to my grandpa.
The whole experience was defiantly a hard experience, especially on my mom, aunts, uncles, and the rest of my relatives that knew her. This was also the first time I lost someone VERY close to me (I've had other relatives died before but we weren't super close) I came home mainly to see my grandma as well as give support and comfort to my family. I have to be perfectly honest: I had kinda a rough relationship with my grandma. I guess the best way to describe it is that as a kid, I always wanted my grandma to be like the stereotypical grandmas you see in cartoons. The ones that give you lots of hugs and kisses and bake cookies with you and everything. Unfortunately, she was not that type of grandma. She was a strict, no-nonsense type of women who wouldn't hesitate to hit you with a belt or sandal. Mixed with her Alzheimer's disease, it was a lot dealing with her. She also got into a lot of arguments with my mom when she lived with us a for about 10 years until her condition got to the point where she randomly woke up at night and almost left the house a few times (at that point, my mom had to take her to a nursing home for good).
I know I might be sounding very mean and disrespectful but trust me and keep reading. Now as a kid, the only reason I accepted the insults and beatings my grandma gave me was because my parents told me I HAD to love her and that she's old and old people are sometimes like that. But as I got older, I questioned the 'love' of my grandma. I rarely felt love from her, and I really couldn't say I love her and be honest. I didn't hate her, but I was very questioning of my love for her. However, thing got better when we took her to the nursing home. I know it sound mess up because I'm pretty much saying "Once she left, she was outta my hair". However, I think once we started visiting her, she became much more relax and our experiences with her became much more positive.
Also to add to this, my mom told me that growing up, yes she was strict and would beat her kids for discipline use, but she was still a good mother. She always made sure no one got hungry, made sure everyone was clean, and if someone got sick, she'd nurse them back to health. So maybe she wasn't the grandma I wanted her to be, but she was a good mom to my mom and aunts and uncles, and to them, she means a lot to them. So this week was hard for all of them, especially with the fact that now both their parents are gone.
As for me, despite the rough experience with her, I actually cried when I saw her dead at the nursing home and funeral. I kept thinking, "Was I a bad granddaughter? Should I have been more patience with her?" However, after talking to my mom, she told me I'm not a bad granddaughter. In fact, I had better patience with her especially since I used to share a room with her. And as I was also thinking, their was one good thing I shares with her and it that she was good company in the house. I think overall, despite my mixed feelings about her, I think deep down I always did love her, and I feel that she loved me too.
In terms of our current state, everyone's doing better now. Yes, my relative are still sad, especially my mother, but I know as long as we're together comforting and supporting each other with love, then we'll all be alright. It what my grandma would want from us. So don't worry, we'll be all fine.
Before I end this, I just also want to apologize for the lack of art. I'm very busy with school as usually and with December being near, I'm gonna be super busy real soon. So please continue to be patient with me and thanks for the patience so far.
Anywho, thanks for reading another super long update. Me and my family will be fine. After all, time heals all wounds. Take care everyone.
Rest in Peace